I Promise I’m Really Doing My Best

but I still feel like I’m failing.

Some how despite my best efforts in life, I’ve ended up in my late 30s single and struggling with both mental and physical health.

There hasn’t been a day of my life where I didn’t try, with all the love in my heart, to do my very best. I’ve always set out to create value in the world — to give more than I take and hopefully leave the world a little bit better.

It’s so so hard not to feel like I somehow went wrong somewhere.

I don’t believe in luck — I’m a product of everything that has every happened to me and how I choose to view it. And goddamn you have to believe I’ve tried to look at life in a positive way.

I hope rather than believe in karma. I’ve never intentionally set out to harm anyone and privilege has always made me feel a little uncomfortable.

I don’t have a conclusion. I’m just figuring things out, trying to take life day by day.

Trying to get enough sleep, spend time with people who love and care about me, remember to take all of my medication, take time to rest, to breathe and also trying not to be too hard on myself.

Yet, none of it seems to be working.